Sasa Chica makes a "point"
“So, Taniguchi, aren’t we supposed to be ‘getting-it-on’ right now?” Sasaki asked Taniguchi rather quizzically and phonetically, with no sex appeal in her tone whatsoever.
Taniguchi nonchalantly put his hand behind his head and sighed, “Well I would if you would just do something sexy. Why did you agree to screw me, anyway?”
“Well, why not? It is inevitable that one engages in sexual intercourse sometime in their life. For me, it doesn’t matter with whom I do this with. And when you desperately approached me twenty minutes ago, begging for sexual intercourse—and after hearing the amount of money I would receive—I just couldn’t turn down such a proposition! It’s strange what people do for money, isn’t it? I’ve been researching it quite a bit lately, and have discovered that money truly has no point. It’s all a trick on the human psyche. After all—”
“Ugh, would you just shut up?” Taniguchi asked, exasperated. “All I want to do is just bang you.”
“Well, why didn’t you say so? I’m sure we can ‘get-the-mojo-going’ shortly, if you know what I mean!” Sasaki said.
She then proceeded to give a sexy wink, which she failed entirely. What a shame.
“I would, if you would do something sexy. I’m just not feeling it right now,” Taniguchi complained. “Why don’t you just take your clothes off or something, instead of just sitting here, talking about stuff I don’t even understand or care about. And do you even want to screw me, or not?”
Sasaki smiled understandingly, and replied, “Well, my clear-cut answer would be no. But truly, it doesn’t matter who it is. It’s the knowledge I gain that counts! Also, it is because of the money that I have subconsciously learned to desire throughout the majority of my life. By the way, Carl Jung once said—”
“I don’t care about this Carl guy. Nor do I know what you’re talking about,” Taniguchi grumbled, even further irritated. “By the way, how would you act if you were with someone you were attracted to?”
Sasaki bit her lip, and rolled her eyes upward in reflection.
“That’s quite a good question, actually. While I was once emotionally, or perhaps mentally, attracted to somebody, I’m not too sure I was ever physically attracted to that person. Actually, I do remember once when I was embarrassed by that person seeing through my clothing on a rainy day. He was and still is a refreshing boy. However, these feelings have since receded. I still—”
“Oh, well, okay. That works. You can act all cute and embarrassed, then. How does that sound?” Taniguchi said with a delightfully disgusting look on his face.
Sasaki put her hand under her chin and said, “While I do believe I may have reacted in such a way with that person in the past, I don’t believe I can do that now, because I am not emotionally, mentally, physically, or even sexually attracted to you.”
Taniguchi rolled his eyes and sighed.
“Okay, okay, I get it. Will you just take off your clothes?” he snapped. Taniguchi was getting annoyed at this eccentric girl who was babbling on and on about things he neither understood nor cared about.
Sasaki then began undressing herself in the way one undresses oneself in a gym locker room, which, to say in the least, was in a routinely manner, rather than in a seductive manner. Once all of her clothing was off and neatly folded on Taniguchi’s bed, Taniguchi tried to turn himself on by trying to look at Sasaki’s body, but to no avail.
He sighed again. “It’s not that you don’t have a good body and not like you aren’t totally cute. It’s just something about the way you’re sitting and acting is just… not sexy… Argh! What am I doing?! I’d be better off with Suzumiya; she’s just as weird and cute as you, after all. The only problem is that she’d probably kick my ass if I asked her, anyway.”
An image of Haruhi appeared in his mind, screaming in imaginary response, “Who are you to ask me such a thing?!”
"Okay, okay jeez it was just a question!"
"What was just a question?" Sasaki cocked her head curiously.
"Sigh, nothing..." said an irritated Taniguchi.
"People often consider themselves crazy for talking to themselves; however I have read a very informative article that states—"
"Just shut up already! Uragh I even feel bad for Kunikida wasting his money on that hidden camera he bought to film us."
Sasaki smiled and said in a matter-of-fact tone,
"Wouldn't that be considered a pornography film? In our country though, such activities are so frequent that they're considered normal in this day and age. It's fascinating to think about how Japan has progressed, (or perhaps regressed depending on one's own opinion on the subject of course) into what it is today and in what directions we as people had to go in for it to turn out in this way. This country has quite a unique view on sex that differs greatly from other countries around the world, for instance—"
"You really didn't hear me when I told you to shut up, did you? Honestly, do you read all this confusing stuff every day or something?
Sasaki, once again began another long and philosophical explanation as to why she does what she does only to be followed by an impatient remark from Taniguchi that somehow causes her to respond with another tangent.
Meanwhile, Haruhi, who was on her way home from 7eleven where she bought the most generic brand of chocolate she could find, happened across Taniguchi's trashy apartment and naturally, put her ear on the door and began listening in on their conversation. It only took a few minutes for her to say,
"@_@ And Kyon likes her why~o.0?"
Sasaki and Taniguchi continued on like this for another hour until, he eventually told her to go home which was followed by Sasaki bowing at the camera (that really wasn't so hidden) and saying,
"Thank you for watching my erotic video."
"They don't say that in real pornos..."
Mumbled Taniguchi.
Sasaki then put her clothes back on and walked out the door that lacked the Haruhi cause she like, left a long time ago.
______________________________________________________
"So how was it?!"
An excited Kunikida asked eagerly the next day.
"Man! It totally sucked!"
Said Taniguchi as he handed his friend the camera.
In spite of Taniguchi's words, Kunikida took it home anyway and watched the whole thing. A few days later, he had it on a tape entitled, "Sasaki's Erotic Video" and gave it to… who else but the SOS Brigade?
Haruhi, Kyon, Koizumi, and Yuki had gathered in the club room and were sitting in cheap foldable lawn chairs "enjoying" the said, erotic video eating popcorn while making occasional comments.
"You seriously don't like her like that anymore right o.0?"
Said Haruhi as she awkwardly shook her head at Sasaki's behavior.
"...No, and this is exactly why -_-."
Kyon replied.
"She is making quite the intriguing comment here and there, though. ;D"
Said Koizumi with a casual smile.
"Hai guyz~!!! Whatcha up to-BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *breaths and wipes a tear* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ah~ ah, Oh god she's not even wearing clothes bu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA~ she looks soo funny!!! it doesn't even seem like she's HAHAHAHA nekid~ XD"
Said well, Tsuruya duh.
Haruhi willingly allowed Tsuruya a lawn chair and a bag of popcorn to boot.
Later on, Mikuru came in.
"Ah, sorry I'm late to the meeting I- =O >.> Kyaaaaaaa~! Sh-she's not wearing any clothes! Wh-what is this? did I walk in on-"
Mikuru then began to listen to Sasaki's philosophical jargon and couldn't help but nod her head in agreement.
"Hmm mmhmm mmhmm~. I think she's right about that....Wha-? I've never thought of it that way, but it really does make sense being explained this way n_n."
As the video went on, everyone was able to agree that although it was supposed to be an erotic video, there was absolutely nothing erotic about it other than her being naked which was somehow unnoticeable to even Kyon.
When the "erotic video" was about an hour and a half through, Haruhi decided to call up the Computer Club out of genuine consideration. The scene that followed was-
"W--What is the meaning of this!?!! You're showing us HARDCORE PORNOGRAPHY here! =O" Said the President.
"Yeah! This is....So INTENSE what are you doing to us -////-!" Whimpered the fat one who had never seen a naked girl before.
"Oh brother, I'm sure you'll live -_-!" Haruhi said arms crossed and eyes rolling.
The thing was, no one felt that Sasaki's Erotic Video was even- erotic or anything that would provoke awkward or inappropriate thoughts. Well, no one except for Kunkida who was just overjoyed every time he watched it, and the Computer Club of course who nearly received heart attacks when they saw anyone that was the opposite sex in slightly revealing clothes other than Yuki that is.
Still though, because of Kunikida's bad taste, and Haruhi's boredom, "Sasaki's Erotic Video" was first uploaded onto "KawaiiPutas.com" a Mexican and Japanese porn site, (but was rejected due to lack of desired content) then just straight up on YouTube where it became an internet sensation with over 10,000,000 views and varies uploads on other websites. Not a single person flagged it.
Merely, 6 months later, the life that Sasaki didn't even have in the first place had been ruined and everyone ran up to her saying, "OMGZ! R U DAT GRL DAT WASNT SEXAH!?" however, Sasaki was always flattered and would say, "Why yes, I am. I'm presuming you've seen my erotic video in this case. ;D"
And whenever she did that, she would wink toward an imaginary camera and the screen would end on a small circle diminishing around her face. Just like it was doing now.
THE END
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