Being Stranded on a Deserted Island with Sasaki is Kind of Cool Chapter One

"Oh my, Miss Suzumiya it seems we are stranded. :)"









Being Stranded on a Deserted Island with Sasaki is Kind of Cool
Chapter One

"Nn?"
Haruhi lazily opened her eyes to see Sasaki staring intently at her and... Smiling.
"Ah, it seems that you have awakened. It's quite interesting to watch someone sleep. You know, there are basically two kinds sleep REM sleep and well, non-REM sleep and I just can't help but find it fascinating how—"
Haruhi tuned out Sasaki's endless yabbering on pyscho-physi-whatever-like stuff and began a monologue within her head.
Fuck! Sasaki yeah looooook around us~! Hmm let's see palm trees, the ocean SAND SAND and MORE fucking SAND! It seems that we are stranded! Pfffft this would be fun if I didn't have to listen this thing talk! Her and her curly yet not curly hair and her face and her eyes and her disgusting moss green shirt and look at her mouth moving she's just going "Blah blah blah blah bleh bleh b-ba ba blah" why I ought to!
"Oh my, Miss Suzumiya it seems we are stranded. :)"
"Ohohohohoho~ Noooo shit, Sherlock!"
"Hm, I've never had quite a liking to shit. It actually scares me at times, but Sherlock Holmes on the other hand, was quite a—"
Haruhi mocked Sasaki in her head again as Sasaki talked...again.
Blah blah blah I'm so smart! Blah blah Kyon thinks I'm soo caliente! Blah blah I’m a bad porn protagonist blah blah blah BLEH!
"—these are just my opinions of course. I'm sure other people think that Mr. Holmes was—"
"I'm sure I think that we should… hmm, I dunno probably find a way to GET DA FUCK OFF THIS island!? Either that, or find some evidence of an ancient alien civilization and reincarnate them. That would be pretty cool too, of course."
Haruhi interrupted irritably.
‘Twas always her dream to be stranded on a deserted island and find alien stuff and maybe just something that will make her eyes all "kira kira~." How~ever, ‘twasn't her dream to be stranded with someone who was her love rival, weirder than she, and indifferent about survival. Lucky duck Sasaki was all three of these things.
"Ah, it would be quite cool if that happened wouldn't it?"
Sasaki said "cool" as if she were an 80-year old grandpa trying to "relate" to their not-so-bright grandson.


As you can probably tell, Haruniña had given up on her plans to get rid of Sasaki since they had gone up in flames. There wasn't an SOS Brigade or her bonito Kyon-muffin for her to steal anymore as of now. There was NO ONE... just her and Sasa-Chica all alone. Oh well, whatever; there's a really juicy coconut in her sight and it's calling her name.
"Alright! Brigade leader gets first dibs!"
Haruhi exclaimed as she unnecessarily dove head first into the ground.
"Oh coconuts are chock full of nutrients and proteins and are perfect food for malnourished people such as ourselves. As you can tell via the eye, though, even before we got stranded, I was already malnourished in a certain area of my body and I think the milk within the coconuts will assist in nourishing this area of mine. So, if you don't mind, I think I should take that coconut and—"
"Ummm… NO! Nice try Sasaki, but I'm not swayed by your boob complex in the least! I'm taking this for myself and that's final!"
Sasaki allowed Haruhi to do whatever she wanted in spite of there being a deep down subconscious desire for her to jump on Haruhi and scream "BITCH DATS MAH COCONUT!!! >:0" As a result of her poor ability to retrieve food before Haruhi, she was left hungry and physically miserable for the next few days that followed. ;D


"Sasaki GET UP! We can't afford to be lazing around here!"
"Oh, I'm sorry Suzumiya-san it seems that my equilibrium is off balance. Probably from not having anything to eat for 4 days or was it five?"
Sasaki shakily brought herself back up with a nonchalant smile.
"It's been six days for your information a—"
Haruhi was irritably crossing her arms with a sour expression on her face when her eyes went big and kira kira sparkly shiny at the sight of five ominous and miserable looking people that she proceeded to point at.
"Sasaki look over there! Maybe someone's come to rescue us or if not, we can steal the boat that they arrived on!^^"
"Well using my sharp sixth sense and ability to read people, I would say that these people are not planning on returning from this island~. Also, according to a friend of mine who calls himself Fujiwara, apparently, boats can possibly float without buoyancy, or rather move without floating at all. I've been researching this for quite awhile, and indeed such a complex feat can be accomplished by—"
Haruhi left Sasaki during the part where she said "sixth sense" but Sasaki was too absorbed in her own tangent to notice until 5 minutes later of course. Meanwhile, Haruhi decided to strike up a conversation with the five crazy people.


By the way, these people were a chronically depressive woman on drugs, a medical school dropout, some old guy, a Kunikida rip-off, and a loser.
"Hi~ guys! ^^ Me and my frie—that girl over there have been stranded here for awhile so if ya don't mind, we'd like to use your boat!"
The old guy who appeared to be the leader of this group of lunatics spoke.
"We're not planning on returning from this island."
At that moment, Haruhi's face looked kind of like: D=< as she imagined a picture of Sasaki's face being traced over by a big red X accompanied with a flashback of five minutes ago with Sasaki saying, "-these people are not planning on returning from this island island island island." (That last part echoed in her head)
"Shut up Sasaki!"
"Who?" The loser asked looking way more confused than he should.
"Sigh, NOBODY!"
The old guy continued, "We're all going to commit a group suicide by drowning ourselves in the sea."
Haruhi's face then looked like, =O -_- as she said, "What the hell now?! Are you people absolutely retarded!? You can't just—"
"Suzumiya-san has made quite a useful point on this matter. You can't just drown yourselves."
At this statement, Haruhi felt pleased with Sasaki for once. That was until...
"While it has been done successfully in the past, it is still not a very sufficient method for achieving your goal. I'd suggest you jump off of that high cliff over there with those pointy rocks beneath it. Surely, it should work."
Haruhi was just shocked at this point. So much that she facepalmed Kyon style and stood there with her mouth agape.
The old guy however, looked at Sasaki with a new and profound sense of awe as he said, "You are a genius! That's definitely going to kill us all! ^^ Thanks for your help! Me and my buddies are going to run up there right now!"
"Anytime ^^!"
Sasaki said pleasantly with a bow.
And well, just as he said he would, he motioned for his pathetic group to come and they all ran with enthusiasm behind him at an unrealistically fast speed that would cause Sonic the Hedgehog himself to have self-esteem issues, and they were gone. The only thing Haruhi and Sasaki were able to catch in this instant was the depressive drug lady throwing her arms up and exclaiming, "AT LAST! I SHALL BE FREE FROM THIS CONSPIRACY!"
"You guys take care now!" Sasaki said as she waved good-naturedly.
"The—the hell Sasaki?! Do you realize that you just assisted in the suicide of these people!? GREAT! Not only is our escape plan RUINED but you just helped some crazy losers when we should have stopped them!"
Sasaki couldn't respond, however, as she had fainted from hunger.
"Sigh, oh brother. -_- Fine, fine, fine you can have some bananas when you wake up, I suppose."

We Are Two People

We're specifically a chick from Texas and a dude from Arizonnaaaaaaaaaaaa

“Nagaru Tanigawa and Noizi Itou’s Spectacular Adventure!”

Self-explanatory












Haruhi people hate the SOS Brigae..it's true n_n
Basically what happened ;D
Tanigawa was like: "-_-"
Nozi was like: "Kk^_^"
She did then she became his waifu and they fell out the window and died
As a result of that, the new Haruhi book was called "In loving memory of Nagaru tanigawa and Noizi Ito."
Also, what happened was:
Noizi Ito and Nagaru Tanigawa went to HS together in spite of having a 10 year age diff, and they were like doki doki for each other then she fell in love with a "refreshing boy" then he fell for an "airhead he can't remember" fast forward to when the 10th novel was supposed to come out, Nagaru ws out on his bkie thiny and Noizi got to thinking about problems they had more than 10 years ago, then spiked his cats milk with korean lotion and when nagaru came home he was like "=O T_T" and he took it tio the vet and they were like "omg are you nagaru tanigawa" and he was like NO I AM NOT AND MORIMOTO FROM IRON CHEF IS NOT MY BRO EITHER. then the vet...umm I forgot. but he came home knowing who the culprit wasthen went to noizis house where she had a very well made stack of lotion, and he stole them all and sqeezed the lotion out of anger all over his computer causing it to die and for the original haruhi novel to be deleted, and then noizi got home and found out that her lotion was gone and knew who did then went to nagi's house and confronted him leading him to almost fire her, but she threated to take his pic and send it to everyone on the internet. he pleaded that she wouldn't but she still took a pi with her cell phone lulz. then they got mad and decied to end haruhi and he decided to end it with the SOS brigade in a bus wreck, then Noizi drew the last picture of a dismemembered harihi then. They died
Also tne lotion thing explains perfectly why the new novel was delayed XD
later, they see each other at the disappearance movie and there's some lady with a purse camripping it then noizi coughs and ruins part of the camrip then they make up and she's re-hired lulz.
then, in 2015 the series gets discont. because noizi got all like ">.<" because she wanted a cat and not a stupid parrot. she reliezed that nagi had everything and she was jealous, so she wnet to kidnap his cat, (who is 26 by nao) and she brought him home, and was lyke: "OHHHHHHHHHH HE'S SO KYUUUUUTE IM GONmA PUT MAH LOTION ON UUUUU YES I AM YES IMN OHH WHOES A KYUTE WITTLE KITTY" the cat died lulz.
then nagi came back and couldn't find his cat and stuff...so he was like "=O T_T" then he had a feeling that ito kidnapped her, then saw that he died then he was lyke: (bow)T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T :@ :@ (u) (emo) and he said "my cat was a girl btw and I dont have the <3 to cont the haruhi. im not ending it." somehow, i and n realize their problems and he askes her to become his waifu, then they start writting the last haruhi book and get married then go on a honey moon to france, and noizi falls out a window and nagi jumps out thinking he could save her.
they die.
nagi's spirit isn't happy cuz they take pics of him and it's on the news.
they get a haruhi themed funeral
they dance to hare hare yukai by thier coffin thingys
only the yuki fanboys do that thoough
they broke in
nagi's family was pisssssssed
also noizi's mom's tenis partner''s daughter she was married to the maker of bible black it's the worst anime ever made i saw a britney spears amv of it'

the end

“Having Sex with Sasaki is an Awful Experience”

Sasa Chica makes a "point"













“So, Taniguchi, aren’t we supposed to be ‘getting-it-on’ right now?” Sasaki asked Taniguchi rather quizzically and phonetically, with no sex appeal in her tone whatsoever.
Taniguchi nonchalantly put his hand behind his head and sighed, “Well I would if you would just do something sexy. Why did you agree to screw me, anyway?”
“Well, why not? It is inevitable that one engages in sexual intercourse sometime in their life. For me, it doesn’t matter with whom I do this with. And when you desperately approached me twenty minutes ago, begging for sexual intercourse—and after hearing the amount of money I would receive—I just couldn’t turn down such a proposition! It’s strange what people do for money, isn’t it? I’ve been researching it quite a bit lately, and have discovered that money truly has no point. It’s all a trick on the human psyche. After all—”
“Ugh, would you just shut up?” Taniguchi asked, exasperated. “All I want to do is just bang you.”
“Well, why didn’t you say so? I’m sure we can ‘get-the-mojo-going’ shortly, if you know what I mean!” Sasaki said.
She then proceeded to give a sexy wink, which she failed entirely. What a shame.
“I would, if you would do something sexy. I’m just not feeling it right now,” Taniguchi complained. “Why don’t you just take your clothes off or something, instead of just sitting here, talking about stuff I don’t even understand or care about. And do you even want to screw me, or not?”
Sasaki smiled understandingly, and replied, “Well, my clear-cut answer would be no. But truly, it doesn’t matter who it is. It’s the knowledge I gain that counts! Also, it is because of the money that I have subconsciously learned to desire throughout the majority of my life. By the way, Carl Jung once said—”
“I don’t care about this Carl guy. Nor do I know what you’re talking about,” Taniguchi grumbled, even further irritated. “By the way, how would you act if you were with someone you were attracted to?”
Sasaki bit her lip, and rolled her eyes upward in reflection.
“That’s quite a good question, actually. While I was once emotionally, or perhaps mentally, attracted to somebody, I’m not too sure I was ever physically attracted to that person. Actually, I do remember once when I was embarrassed by that person seeing through my clothing on a rainy day. He was and still is a refreshing boy. However, these feelings have since receded. I still—”
“Oh, well, okay. That works. You can act all cute and embarrassed, then. How does that sound?” Taniguchi said with a delightfully disgusting look on his face.
Sasaki put her hand under her chin and said, “While I do believe I may have reacted in such a way with that person in the past, I don’t believe I can do that now, because I am not emotionally, mentally, physically, or even sexually attracted to you.”
Taniguchi rolled his eyes and sighed.
“Okay, okay, I get it. Will you just take off your clothes?” he snapped. Taniguchi was getting annoyed at this eccentric girl who was babbling on and on about things he neither understood nor cared about.
Sasaki then began undressing herself in the way one undresses oneself in a gym locker room, which, to say in the least, was in a routinely manner, rather than in a seductive manner. Once all of her clothing was off and neatly folded on Taniguchi’s bed, Taniguchi tried to turn himself on by trying to look at Sasaki’s body, but to no avail.
He sighed again. “It’s not that you don’t have a good body and not like you aren’t totally cute. It’s just something about the way you’re sitting and acting is just… not sexy… Argh! What am I doing?! I’d be better off with Suzumiya; she’s just as weird and cute as you, after all. The only problem is that she’d probably kick my ass if I asked her, anyway.”
An image of Haruhi appeared in his mind, screaming in imaginary response, “Who are you to ask me such a thing?!”
"Okay, okay jeez it was just a question!"
"What was just a question?" Sasaki cocked her head curiously.
"Sigh, nothing..." said an irritated Taniguchi.
"People often consider themselves crazy for talking to themselves; however I have read a very informative article that states—"
"Just shut up already! Uragh I even feel bad for Kunikida wasting his money on that hidden camera he bought to film us."
Sasaki smiled and said in a matter-of-fact tone,
"Wouldn't that be considered a pornography film? In our country though, such activities are so frequent that they're considered normal in this day and age. It's fascinating to think about how Japan has progressed, (or perhaps regressed depending on one's own opinion on the subject of course) into what it is today and in what directions we as people had to go in for it to turn out in this way. This country has quite a unique view on sex that differs greatly from other countries around the world, for instance—"
"You really didn't hear me when I told you to shut up, did you? Honestly, do you read all this confusing stuff every day or something?
Sasaki, once again began another long and philosophical explanation as to why she does what she does only to be followed by an impatient remark from Taniguchi that somehow causes her to respond with another tangent.
Meanwhile, Haruhi, who was on her way home from 7eleven where she bought the most generic brand of chocolate she could find, happened across Taniguchi's trashy apartment and naturally, put her ear on the door and began listening in on their conversation. It only took a few minutes for her to say,
"@_@ And Kyon likes her why~o.0?"
Sasaki and Taniguchi continued on like this for another hour until, he eventually told her to go home which was followed by Sasaki bowing at the camera (that really wasn't so hidden) and saying,
"Thank you for watching my erotic video."
"They don't say that in real pornos..."
Mumbled Taniguchi.
Sasaki then put her clothes back on and walked out the door that lacked the Haruhi cause she like, left a long time ago.

______________________________________________________

"So how was it?!"
An excited Kunikida asked eagerly the next day.
"Man! It totally sucked!"
Said Taniguchi as he handed his friend the camera.
In spite of Taniguchi's words, Kunikida took it home anyway and watched the whole thing. A few days later, he had it on a tape entitled, "Sasaki's Erotic Video" and gave it to… who else but the SOS Brigade?


Haruhi, Kyon, Koizumi, and Yuki had gathered in the club room and were sitting in cheap foldable lawn chairs "enjoying" the said, erotic video eating popcorn while making occasional comments.
"You seriously don't like her like that anymore right o.0?"
Said Haruhi as she awkwardly shook her head at Sasaki's behavior.
"...No, and this is exactly why -_-."
Kyon replied.
"She is making quite the intriguing comment here and there, though. ;D"
Said Koizumi with a casual smile.
"Hai guyz~!!! Whatcha up to-BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *breaths and wipes a tear* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ah~ ah, Oh god she's not even wearing clothes bu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA~ she looks soo funny!!! it doesn't even seem like she's HAHAHAHA nekid~ XD"
Said well, Tsuruya duh.
Haruhi willingly allowed Tsuruya a lawn chair and a bag of popcorn to boot.
Later on, Mikuru came in.
"Ah, sorry I'm late to the meeting I- =O >.> Kyaaaaaaa~! Sh-she's not wearing any clothes! Wh-what is this? did I walk in on-"
Mikuru then began to listen to Sasaki's philosophical jargon and couldn't help but nod her head in agreement.
"Hmm mmhmm mmhmm~. I think she's right about that....Wha-? I've never thought of it that way, but it really does make sense being explained this way n_n."
As the video went on, everyone was able to agree that although it was supposed to be an erotic video, there was absolutely nothing erotic about it other than her being naked which was somehow unnoticeable to even Kyon.
When the "erotic video" was about an hour and a half through, Haruhi decided to call up the Computer Club out of genuine consideration. The scene that followed was-
"W--What is the meaning of this!?!! You're showing us HARDCORE PORNOGRAPHY here! =O" Said the President.
"Yeah! This is....So INTENSE what are you doing to us -////-!" Whimpered the fat one who had never seen a naked girl before.
"Oh brother, I'm sure you'll live -_-!" Haruhi said arms crossed and eyes rolling.
The thing was, no one felt that Sasaki's Erotic Video was even- erotic or anything that would provoke awkward or inappropriate thoughts. Well, no one except for Kunkida who was just overjoyed every time he watched it, and the Computer Club of course who nearly received heart attacks when they saw anyone that was the opposite sex in slightly revealing clothes other than Yuki that is.
Still though, because of Kunikida's bad taste, and Haruhi's boredom, "Sasaki's Erotic Video" was first uploaded onto "KawaiiPutas.com" a Mexican and Japanese porn site, (but was rejected due to lack of desired content) then just straight up on YouTube where it became an internet sensation with over 10,000,000 views and varies uploads on other websites. Not a single person flagged it.
Merely, 6 months later, the life that Sasaki didn't even have in the first place had been ruined and everyone ran up to her saying, "OMGZ! R U DAT GRL DAT WASNT SEXAH!?" however, Sasaki was always flattered and would say, "Why yes, I am. I'm presuming you've seen my erotic video in this case. ;D"
And whenever she did that, she would wink toward an imaginary camera and the screen would end on a small circle diminishing around her face. Just like it was doing now.

THE END

Being Stranded on a Deserted Island with Sasaki is Kind of Cool Prologue

Kyoniño and Haruniña with the ghost
Don't worry. It looks bad because they're high.


















“Aaaaalllll aboard!” Koizumi yelled as he looked out at the SOS Brigade members, plus Sasaki, who Haruhi told Kyon to invite along so they could “get to know each other.” They were all standing on the dock of a wharf in some north-eastern part of Japan, boarding a cruise ship Koizumi’s Organization had prepared.
The sun was shining, and Kyon had to shade his eyes from being blinded from over-exposure to UV rays.
Haruhi, meanwhile, was looking suspiciously at Sasaki, as if she were taking mental notes on her actions and scheming against Sasaki. This was, in fact, what Haruhi was doing at that moment.
What? She’s talking to Mikuru about something! I thought Mikuru was my Barbie! Ooh, that Sasaki’s gonna get it! When I get on that boat, I’m gonna pull the biggest, nastiest prank she’s ever SEEN, and she’ll never think about stealing my SOS Brigade members again!
Haruhi boarded the ship ahead of everybody else, hunched over like an evil henchman.
Naturally, as she passed, Koizumi checked her out slyly.
“Love dat ass, Haruhi. Mind if I slip down to your room later on tonight?” Koizumi asked.
“Ew, gross!” Haruhi took Koizumi and curb-stomped his head against the ship’s railing, knocking him unconscious for the next few hours.
Kyon followed her up onto the ship, thinking very loudly about how crappy everything was.
Mikuru and Yuki, however, were tentatively listening to Sasaki’s long-winded explanation on the functions of the female anatomy.
“… And so, during ovulation, the eggs are released and sit in the uterus for a while, making it possible for—”
“Oh!” Mikuru interjected. “You mean Yolka-Pa-Looza? I thought you guys from this time per—I mean from your region of Japan—called it Yolka-Pa-Looza! ‘Oave-you-lay-shun,’ huh? Guess I can use that term for the next time I get into some hot and heavy ‘Ugandan Square-Dancing!’”
“I see,” Yuki responded mechanically.
“Well, just make sure you don’t get hurt,” Sasaki concluded, as she really had nothing to say to Mikuru about whatever the hell she was going on about.
Mikuru, on the other hand, went on another one of her naughty daydream tangents in her head about some very dirty things, as usual, and boarded the ship, along with Sasaki and Yuki.
The ship began to leave the dock, and Koizumi, who was unconscious, gurgled on the ground subconsciously, but coincidentally, “We set sail!”
On the dock, Kyon’s Sister ran toward the ship in a hurry, carrying lots of luggage and provisions.
“Hey! Guys! Waaaaiiiiiiiit! You forgot me!!! And your stuff! None of you have any of your bags!” she cried, and performed a spectacular running-jump off of the dock to try and make it onto the ship, but she was just an inch off from getting onto it.
With a sickening thud, Kyon’s Sister knocked her head against the side of the cruise-liner, and, thinking she had just come to bid them all “Bon Voyage,” the SOS Brigade and Sasaki waved happily at her until her little body sunk into the ocean forever. Or, at least, until this fan-fiction has ended.
“She’s so cute!” Mikuru said, whilst hugging herself as if she were hugging Kyon’s Sister’s little frame to herself.
Yuki stared blankly back at the dock. “I see.”
Sasaki smiled lightly and walked over to Kyon, who was mumbling about how annoying his little sister was, or whatever.
“My, my, Kyon, she’s really grown, hasn’t she? The last time I saw her, she was only this tall.” Sasaki demonstrated how tall Imouto was by putting her hand out below her own waist. “Now she’s blossomed into a beautiful young adult. I really wish she could have lived to this day.”
Kyon grimaced and said cynically, “She did live to this day. Just not to this minute. Heh. But she’ll be back. She always comes back.”
“Well, that’s great to hear!” Sasaki exclaimed subtly. “Anyway, have you heard of this fantastic Western group known as ‘Hillbilly Allen and the Frankfurter Boys’? They all come from southern America, and they play this genre called ‘white-supremacist country,’ which I haven’t researched yet, but their melodies are absolutely dynamic, and—”
“Sasaki, I don’t care about your stupid Western music. If it’s not in Japanese, then it’s all gorilla sounds to me. Shut your goddamn mouth and stand over there so I can get a good look at you from afar.”
Sasaki followed his orders gleefully and bounced over to Haruhi looking at Koizumi, who was lying on the ground with his head bleeding profusely.
“Hey, Suzumiya-san. I see that you were observing this unconscious guy over here, and—”
“Shut up, thief,” Haruhi snarled at Sasaki. “Go and talk to my friends some more, why don’t you? Maybe they’ll all join some made-up brigade that you—oh, yeah! That’s right! You don’t have a brigade, now, do you?!”
“Well, actually, I—”
“Well, actually my ass. Just go over there are leave me alone.”
Sasaki obeyed like a good little girl and walked over to the ship’s cabin door, smiling easily as she did.
Yes, leave me alone so I can scheme… BWAHAHAHAHA!!!Haruhi screamed in her mind.
At that moment, Arakawa the butler came out from the captain’s quarters, as he was the ship’s captain, and proceeded to inform the brigade that dinner was to be served in an hour, and that they had better get their sorry little hineys down to the mess hall.
“And for God’s sakes,” he roared, “will somebody clean Koizumi up? His head’s fucking bleeding again.”

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Once Koizumi was all cleaned up, they ate dinner in the mess hall. It would be another few hours until he was fully conscious, so everybody else ate his portions for the night.
Nothing else happened at dinner, so they all went exploring on the ship. Conveniently enough, the sunny skies had turned into a violent storm.
Sasaki went with Mikuru and Yuki, and Haruhi took Kyon and Koizumi, who they had dressed in a fetching pair of sunglasses and a turban to keep his lifeless eyes from creeping them out while on their search for mysteries. The turban was to keep the blood down, but we all know that the turban is one of the greatest fashion accessories since BBD earrings, which Haruhi happened to be wearing at that moment.
While Sasaki, Mikuru, and Yuki were looking for whatever, Haruhi brought Kyon and Koizumi to the front of the ship.
“Heh heh heh,” Haruhi laughed. “I have the perfect plan to get rid of Sasaki, Kyon!”
Kyon scowled and groaned, “What?” He hoisted Koizumi to lean against the railing so he wouldn’t have to carry that fat lug around anymore.
“I’m going to put on this ghost costume and scare her, so she’ll never think about coming back to the SOS Brigade to steal my members!”
From her handbag, she produced a sheet with two holes in it.
“Haruhi, there’s a ghost in your purse!” Kyon shouted, as he began to whack at the sheet with Koizumi.
“What the hell are you doing?!” Haruhi screamed. “This is my disguise, dumbass!”
From wherever on the ship that Sasaki and the rest were, Sasaki, using her unrivaled sense of hearing and intuition, heard yelling, and decided to join in on the fun!
“Kyon, stop it! You’re going to stain the sheet with blood!”
Blinded with fear, Kyon continued to smack Koizumi against the sheet. “I’ll save you, Haruhi!”
Sasaki appeared as Haruhi fell backward over the railing.
“Whoo! It’s swimming time!” Sasaki bellowed as she jumped over the railing after Haruhi.
“GBLUGHBGHELPBGLUHMEEEBLUGEGUUUUUHH!” Haruhi gargled. The water raged as Sasaki grabbed onto Haruhi, remembering that she was traumatized by water as a little girl, thus making her unable to swim.
Haruhi was weighed down indefinitely by Sasaki, and as they floated further and further away from the ship, they could barely make out Kyon’s silhouette, shouting at Haruhi, “Don’t worry, Haruhi! The ghost’s gone!”
Everything went black for them after that.