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Being Stranded on a Deserted Island with Sasaki is Kind of Cool Chapter One

"Oh my, Miss Suzumiya it seems we are stranded. :)"









Being Stranded on a Deserted Island with Sasaki is Kind of Cool
Chapter One

"Nn?"
Haruhi lazily opened her eyes to see Sasaki staring intently at her and... Smiling.
"Ah, it seems that you have awakened. It's quite interesting to watch someone sleep. You know, there are basically two kinds sleep REM sleep and well, non-REM sleep and I just can't help but find it fascinating how—"
Haruhi tuned out Sasaki's endless yabbering on pyscho-physi-whatever-like stuff and began a monologue within her head.
Fuck! Sasaki yeah looooook around us~! Hmm let's see palm trees, the ocean SAND SAND and MORE fucking SAND! It seems that we are stranded! Pfffft this would be fun if I didn't have to listen this thing talk! Her and her curly yet not curly hair and her face and her eyes and her disgusting moss green shirt and look at her mouth moving she's just going "Blah blah blah blah bleh bleh b-ba ba blah" why I ought to!
"Oh my, Miss Suzumiya it seems we are stranded. :)"
"Ohohohohoho~ Noooo shit, Sherlock!"
"Hm, I've never had quite a liking to shit. It actually scares me at times, but Sherlock Holmes on the other hand, was quite a—"
Haruhi mocked Sasaki in her head again as Sasaki talked...again.
Blah blah blah I'm so smart! Blah blah Kyon thinks I'm soo caliente! Blah blah I’m a bad porn protagonist blah blah blah BLEH!
"—these are just my opinions of course. I'm sure other people think that Mr. Holmes was—"
"I'm sure I think that we should… hmm, I dunno probably find a way to GET DA FUCK OFF THIS island!? Either that, or find some evidence of an ancient alien civilization and reincarnate them. That would be pretty cool too, of course."
Haruhi interrupted irritably.
‘Twas always her dream to be stranded on a deserted island and find alien stuff and maybe just something that will make her eyes all "kira kira~." How~ever, ‘twasn't her dream to be stranded with someone who was her love rival, weirder than she, and indifferent about survival. Lucky duck Sasaki was all three of these things.
"Ah, it would be quite cool if that happened wouldn't it?"
Sasaki said "cool" as if she were an 80-year old grandpa trying to "relate" to their not-so-bright grandson.


As you can probably tell, Haruniña had given up on her plans to get rid of Sasaki since they had gone up in flames. There wasn't an SOS Brigade or her bonito Kyon-muffin for her to steal anymore as of now. There was NO ONE... just her and Sasa-Chica all alone. Oh well, whatever; there's a really juicy coconut in her sight and it's calling her name.
"Alright! Brigade leader gets first dibs!"
Haruhi exclaimed as she unnecessarily dove head first into the ground.
"Oh coconuts are chock full of nutrients and proteins and are perfect food for malnourished people such as ourselves. As you can tell via the eye, though, even before we got stranded, I was already malnourished in a certain area of my body and I think the milk within the coconuts will assist in nourishing this area of mine. So, if you don't mind, I think I should take that coconut and—"
"Ummm… NO! Nice try Sasaki, but I'm not swayed by your boob complex in the least! I'm taking this for myself and that's final!"
Sasaki allowed Haruhi to do whatever she wanted in spite of there being a deep down subconscious desire for her to jump on Haruhi and scream "BITCH DATS MAH COCONUT!!! >:0" As a result of her poor ability to retrieve food before Haruhi, she was left hungry and physically miserable for the next few days that followed. ;D


"Sasaki GET UP! We can't afford to be lazing around here!"
"Oh, I'm sorry Suzumiya-san it seems that my equilibrium is off balance. Probably from not having anything to eat for 4 days or was it five?"
Sasaki shakily brought herself back up with a nonchalant smile.
"It's been six days for your information a—"
Haruhi was irritably crossing her arms with a sour expression on her face when her eyes went big and kira kira sparkly shiny at the sight of five ominous and miserable looking people that she proceeded to point at.
"Sasaki look over there! Maybe someone's come to rescue us or if not, we can steal the boat that they arrived on!^^"
"Well using my sharp sixth sense and ability to read people, I would say that these people are not planning on returning from this island~. Also, according to a friend of mine who calls himself Fujiwara, apparently, boats can possibly float without buoyancy, or rather move without floating at all. I've been researching this for quite awhile, and indeed such a complex feat can be accomplished by—"
Haruhi left Sasaki during the part where she said "sixth sense" but Sasaki was too absorbed in her own tangent to notice until 5 minutes later of course. Meanwhile, Haruhi decided to strike up a conversation with the five crazy people.


By the way, these people were a chronically depressive woman on drugs, a medical school dropout, some old guy, a Kunikida rip-off, and a loser.
"Hi~ guys! ^^ Me and my frie—that girl over there have been stranded here for awhile so if ya don't mind, we'd like to use your boat!"
The old guy who appeared to be the leader of this group of lunatics spoke.
"We're not planning on returning from this island."
At that moment, Haruhi's face looked kind of like: D=< as she imagined a picture of Sasaki's face being traced over by a big red X accompanied with a flashback of five minutes ago with Sasaki saying, "-these people are not planning on returning from this island island island island." (That last part echoed in her head)
"Shut up Sasaki!"
"Who?" The loser asked looking way more confused than he should.
"Sigh, NOBODY!"
The old guy continued, "We're all going to commit a group suicide by drowning ourselves in the sea."
Haruhi's face then looked like, =O -_- as she said, "What the hell now?! Are you people absolutely retarded!? You can't just—"
"Suzumiya-san has made quite a useful point on this matter. You can't just drown yourselves."
At this statement, Haruhi felt pleased with Sasaki for once. That was until...
"While it has been done successfully in the past, it is still not a very sufficient method for achieving your goal. I'd suggest you jump off of that high cliff over there with those pointy rocks beneath it. Surely, it should work."
Haruhi was just shocked at this point. So much that she facepalmed Kyon style and stood there with her mouth agape.
The old guy however, looked at Sasaki with a new and profound sense of awe as he said, "You are a genius! That's definitely going to kill us all! ^^ Thanks for your help! Me and my buddies are going to run up there right now!"
"Anytime ^^!"
Sasaki said pleasantly with a bow.
And well, just as he said he would, he motioned for his pathetic group to come and they all ran with enthusiasm behind him at an unrealistically fast speed that would cause Sonic the Hedgehog himself to have self-esteem issues, and they were gone. The only thing Haruhi and Sasaki were able to catch in this instant was the depressive drug lady throwing her arms up and exclaiming, "AT LAST! I SHALL BE FREE FROM THIS CONSPIRACY!"
"You guys take care now!" Sasaki said as she waved good-naturedly.
"The—the hell Sasaki?! Do you realize that you just assisted in the suicide of these people!? GREAT! Not only is our escape plan RUINED but you just helped some crazy losers when we should have stopped them!"
Sasaki couldn't respond, however, as she had fainted from hunger.
"Sigh, oh brother. -_- Fine, fine, fine you can have some bananas when you wake up, I suppose."